Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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