Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
