today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
