You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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