Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
