Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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