We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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