No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
