its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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