I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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