im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
