WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
