the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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