He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
