i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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