people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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