3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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