Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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