party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I believe in your delicious
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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