im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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