Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
