so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
