it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
