I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
