I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
