I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
