that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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