I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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