you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
