I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
