No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
