What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
