I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
