Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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