ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
