Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
