My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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