It's Friday. Sex?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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