That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
