somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
