Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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