I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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