I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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