My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
