i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
