there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?