Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.