she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.