I wish I only lived at night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
wow bdsm is so cute
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
