your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes