I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not