it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.