oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He did a backflip because drugs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
