honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just had sex on a roof
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
