no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
