All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
