ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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