I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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