five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
