Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
