She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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