I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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