somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
