Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
