I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
