spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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