mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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