the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can I color on your dick again?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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