That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
